A tribute to the linchpin of family unity

It is only in recent years that organisations such as the Fiji Women’s Rights Movement have begun to raise their voice.

Tomorrow’s women will be different, not diffident

I have just returned from an emotional journey to Fiji, which I wished was spared.

I went to pay final respects to my eldest sister-in-law who passed away on February 5, 2010, aged 72.

She was the last of the most powerful matriarch’s in our family for who I had great respect, regard and adoration. She represented simplicity, humility, sincerity and integrity that will remain her badge of honor in our family.

I was asked to speak at the funeral, although it was not the time do so.

At the altar of mourning, I poured my tears. I do not know whether it meant anything to the departed soul.

However, I felt a sense of relief but the pangs of her goodness towards me and my extended family continue to hurt and haunt. I feel a sense of guilt that I have not repaid her the debt of gratitude.  

I will now carry it to my grave.

Toiling warriors

Such women are warriors of toil and sacrifice of a bygone era.

These unsung heroines of our community sought neither fame nor recognition but enriched our lives and those of the ensuing generations and the community.

Poverty shaped their lives and they bore a heavy crop of children (six to twelve per couple) that obliged them to struggle, strive and sacrifice. They did not wager.

Through these columns, I wish to pay my respects to my departed bhabhi and in doing so, to those who, like her, belonged to that era.

Arguably, women in our community have made tremendous sacrifices but being meek, submissive and culturally disempowered, they have not been recognised and their sacrifices not acknowledged and rewarded.

My bhabhi was a perfect wife, mother, sister, aunt, daughter-in-law, and a woman of dignity. I saw her calm, serene and dignified face, ready for the final journey to the Vaqia cemetery where my parents and other family members now reside.  

She was part of my life since I was ten years old.

Service and Sacrifice

She would rise at 5 am to prepare the morning meal for the family, which comprised at least 14 people. She would then milk the cows, send the children to school and head to the farm with food for members of the family and workers.

She would join them in planting, hoeing or weeding in the sugarcane plantation before returning home by 11 am to prepare lunch for workers.

She would visit the farm again to provide them food. She would be at home by 5 pm to prepare dinner for the family. Thereafter, it would be time for washing and cleaning, before calling it a day by 9 pm.

Most Indo-Fijian women followed such a daily ritual.

Domestic violence

Sadly, women of that era also had to endure inconsiderate husbands and evil mothers-in-law, who abused, ill-used and ill-treated them. Beating of women was seen as assertion of male dominance and hence was not uncommon.

Our Indo-Fijian community is the product of such environment and the culture of toil has made us, strong and resilient, un-awed by the rocks of adversity.

In this struggle, the role of Indo-Fijian women, sadly, was eclipsed and remains so.

However, women were the linchpin in maintaining family unity and sacrificed more than men did. They carried an unfair burden of their families, as they felt obligated to do so.

Despite this, their voices failed to find audience because the roles that they played were considered as part of their lives.

Happily, the cultural muzzle is now loosing its strength and women are walking alongside their male counterparts on the platform of equality with pride and dignity. 

Generally, Indian culture has been unkind to women and yet, they remain the most powerful strand in the web of our family structure.

My bhabhi was a victim of societal norms initially but regained stature as her children grew giving her a place of eminence in the extended clan.

The 21st century augurs well for the place of women in our culture.

The Internet, education, Bollywood movies, television, radio and media are bringing rapid changes among Indo-Fijian women. They are today better informed and involved in community and social work.

Women of tomorrow will be different but not diffident to take their rightful place in our culture. Sadly, my bhabhi will not be the beneficiary of this transformation.

In paying my tribute to her, I extend my respect to thousands of women of Fiji of that era who neither sought acclaim nor recognition but valiantly fought against the battle of poverty, raising children and families and leaving a rich legacy for inheritance by successive generations.