Male victims speak out on marriage abuse

Contrary to popular belief, women are not the only victims of family violence, failed or fraudulent marriages. An increasing number of men are beginning to speak out with horrifying tales of misuse and abuse, including false complaints to the Police.

Following our front-page story, India moves to end fraudulent marriages published in our March 1, 2010 issue, a number of male readers of Indian Newslink have contacted us to narrate their predicament, seeking justice from the Governments of New Zealand and India, stating that they are at their wits end.

While we have reason to believe the veracity of their statements, we have protected their identity for obvious reasons.

Wellington based Paramjit (not his real name) told us of the ‘extreme verbal and physical abuse’ that he suffered soon after migrating to New Zealand from his native India where he married a Fiji-born woman resident in this country.

“I worked hard to keep my wife and my parents-in-law (joint family) happy. I soon adopted myself to the domestic and professional environment. Although I earn high income compared to many other people of Indian origin, I was subject to ridicule and humiliation both at home and in public by my wife. She often told me that I was useless and that it was due to her grace and mercy that I live in New Zealand,” he said.

Paramjit said his life took a turn for the worse, when his parents from India came to live in New Zealand following the birth of his daughter.

“My wife started misbehaving with them as well. She made them do all the homework, look after our child – she started treating them like slaves. Whenever I questioned her behaviour, she would threaten that she would complain to the Police and have me arrested for domestic violence,” he said.

Paramjit said the abuse became so unbearable that he once contemplated suicide.

He recently left his wife to live with his parents.

There are at least three such cases in Wellington, currently under our investigation.

East Auckland resident Ramesh (not his real name) had a similar experience.

The young man, from Karnataka in South India, married a young woman, born and raised in New Zealand, hoping for a happier life.

He has a successful career as an engineer, but at home, he is a nervous wreck.

“This person, who calls herself a woman, has no love or care for me and our only male child, who is now three years old. I have been married for five years now, but life is hell. I do all the housework, including cooking, washing and cleaning, after a long day at work. Sometimes I do shift duty but that does not mean a thing at home. I still have to do all the work,” he said.

He said his wife liked to have parties at home with friends and their families at least once a month, at each of which he becomes an object of ridicule.

“She takes great pleasure in announcing to her friends that I am a good-for-nothing man and that she had made the greatest mistake in marrying me. I have often talked to her about divorce but she simply does not care. I continue to suffer,” he said.

Ramesh has not contemplated leaving the house and living separately, for fear of upsetting his aged parents in India.

But the case of Satish (not his real name) in Central Auckland was among the worst that we have heard during our interviews.

Born and raised in a poor family in India, Satish was married to a rich woman of Indian origin in New Zealand less than a year ago.

“I came to this country on a visitor visa to live with my wife, her parents and three brothers. Three days after my arrival, I was asked to do all the housework. I obtained a work permit with the help of a friendly neighbour. They would still not help me in cooking and washing. My wife and I have a joint bank account and I do not get a cent for personal expenses. Life is hell,” he said.

If you or your friends have had similar experiences, write to us. Email: editor@indiannewslink.co.nz