The Quran says, “There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often” (Quran 33:21).
Anas ibn Malik said that Mohammed the Prophet showed many examples of how one should conduct oneself as husband or wife.
“When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”
This Hadith stresses that marriage is an important part of Islam but differences will arise to test people. A number of factors come into effect during one’s married life and Islam guides Muslims the best way of meeting the challenges.
When it comes to finance, one has to be aware of the law of the land. This may not necessarily be the same as the Islamic Law. For instance in New Zealand, Common Property Law applies. The parties in relationship (husband and wife) have an equal share of the property. In Islam, however, ownership of property belongs to the owner of the property, man or the woman.
When both spouses are in love, there is no problem. In its absence, the law prevails. Generally, the wife or husband cannot object to the other’s spending, unless it does not help in achieving the objectives of the family.
Men and women have different temperaments. They may want different things in life and recognising this difference is vital for a successful marriage.
Even the Holy Quran acknowledges that differences may exist, due to adherence to a particular mathhab or interpretation or opinion.
The key to successful marriage is to accept the differences.
Remember that your Lord is Allah. You cannot drag people in chains to Paradise. Your responsibility is to command the good with the principles of commanding the good. Try to get them to listen to your point of view, pay attention when the wife has something to say. It is the responsibility of the spouse to provide Naseeha (sincere counsel) to the other. For instance, when dealing with Makruh (discouraged) items, convey the good in a gentle and direct manner, gradually.
Family and in-laws
It is the right of the members of the family including in-laws to be loved and respected. Assist them when they are in need, comfort them in times of sorrow, help them by running errant and share their happiness.
Work is one of the two items that should ideally be discussed before marriage (the other is having children). If however, you find yourself discussing this issue after marriage, you may find it helpful to seek counsel if no agreement can be reached with your spouse.
There is a difference between seeking your right to work and demanding it.
Very often, the underlying issue might be different. For instance, the spouse may find that he or she is not getting enough attention and hence may request the other half to reduce the number of working hours.
Islam does not prohibit wives from working, although it is from the Sunnah for wives to take care of the house.
The above is the first of the online course on ‘Getting Married’ by Sheik Faraz Rabbani, which appeared in ‘Rocket Science,’ the monthly Newsletter of Mt Albert Islamic Centre based in Auckland.