The other day I was watching a Bollywood movie titled, ‘Dil to Pagal Hai‘ (The heart is crazy), in which the heroin tells her Hero that God matched couples and sent them to earth and that it is up to each person to find his or her designated partner.
It is true! Marriages are made in heaven and we perform them on earth.
However, the modern generation of Indians ask, “I am married, but did I marry the person assigned to me by God?”
Right move
If the answer to the question, “Is there peace, trust and respect towards each other in your marriage?” is yes, then you have met the right person.
However, if there is irrevocable break down in relationship, then you have met the wrong person. You must then look for the right person. This change in the outlook of people of Indian origin is welcome.
If a couple have disagreements, conflicts and irreparable differences, it does not mean that one of them is bad. It simply implies that the two different personalities are not compatible and hence the knot must be untied allowing both to restart their life. There is no guarantee that every marriage will be successful.
Despite the best efforts of all concerned for reconciliation, some marriages become unworkable in India. People have used the court system as a vehicle for reconciliation in the past but in today’s world, court proceedings take considerable time, making many nervous with an uncertain future.
Obstinacy spoils
In some cases, the parties remain adamant. Their ego clashes and the level of anger make them use legal proceedings as a weapon for revenge. Relationship breaks down within a few months of marriage. These trends may indicate that the tolerance and ability to adjust is moving downward rapidly.
Break-up of long-standing marriages is also not new.
Mediation helps
Although delicate, the matter can be amicably settled if handled carefully with the help of mediators, counsellors or lawyers. Instead of sourness in life and living under constant stress, opting for reconciliation or divorce would ease life.
It is also good to allow time to cool down the situation. Think what you need to give in marriage rather than expect from the other side. There are many aspects of marriage that can be solved through counselling or through a lawyer with the right approach.
Mumbai based eminent family Lawyer Amol Sutrale said that that lawyers should try to mediate between warring couples for a solution either for an amicable split or reunion to protect the interest of their children.
Group meditation
In India, group mediations of such couples have proved successful in reuniting them. Recently, a Mumbai Family Court was able to solve issues of 111 couples.
If all efforts of reconciliations fail, the next step would be to seek separation by divorce or dissolution of marriage. While divorce proceedings are tough in many countries, it is comparatively easier in New Zealand.
Two years of separation provide suitable ground for divorce in this country. It is advisable to determine the separation date by executing a Separation Agreement or by filing separation proceedings. This would avoid dispute over the date of separation.
However, reconciliation can be achieved through various means even during the separation period.
There are no winners and loser in family law.
Lawyers must take up cases compassionately as a social task.
Children become the worst victims of failed marriages, disputes and court orders.
It is equally true that constant dispute and conflict also harm children and spoil the environment at home.
Matilda Castelino is a Barrister & Solicitor at Castlefinn Law Limited, Auckland and an Advocate at the High Court of Bombay in India. The above article should be taken only as a guideline and not as specific legal advice. Ms Castelino and the owners, management and staff at Indian Newslink absolve themselves of all liabilities in this connection. For specific advice related to your problem or situation, please consult a qualified professional or contact Ms Castelino for one hour free session.
Phone: (09) 2641288 or 021-2606257; Email: castelinolawyer@gmail.com
